Is Competition Good Or Bad In Relationships?

It may not be easy for some to accept that life is  full  of competition of all sorts. Right from the time millions of spermatozoa for each individual were released inside the thighs of a soon-to-become pregnant mother, to the struggle to take first breath of oxygen as a new-born baby, and subsequently having to jostle for personal space and worthwhile self-recognition, every living human being had been wired to competitively seek “what is in it for me first” and not necessarily “what is in it for another first.” Many are wired to strive against others, and to covet what others already have, or seek better accomplishment to impress/show-off themselves as being preferred above others.


Many things about life and relationships encouraged people to compete with one another. Admission into schools have elements of competition infused in them. Most times, limited school spaces are reserved for the topmost qualified. Others who could not meet up requirements are left behind. Nobody likes to be among losers who get left behind from receiving coveted positions. There are workplaces that pitch co-workers against one another, sometimes to get the best out of their service, and other times to make one knock another off balance, or get fired.

In all sports, there may be hundreds or thousands of participants, yet only the topmost few get a trophy, with their faces singled out for celebrity status symbols. In politics, there is always fierce aggressive competition to win votes, which is pursued many times by engaging less than honorable tools, to pull another down, while seeking to get a desired office, at all costs. There are always limited employment opportunities. Those who get coveted jobs do not have much of a choice than to engage competitive measures that make them get employed at the expense of others. There are many other examples of human competitions that have been inculcated in people and cultured many to elevate SELF-centered winnings, to the exclusion of, and at disadvantaged expense of others. Few examples include local, state, national, or international beauty contests, kingship contests, game shows, music awards, dance competitions, academic debates and even lotteries.


In every department and faculty of modern life, it has become key for people to hustle to competitively edge others out. Many people who refuse to compete for space, attention, and or resources, are considered to be slack, and sometimes they really are. In a world where most people operate by crab-culture and shark mentality, slack folks usually have only themselves to blame. Many bite their own fingers wondering why they are not on top of successful accomplishments or the list of the best of bests. Such made it become necessary and essential for many who chose to assess their need for competing, or not.

The prevalent necessity to compete at every twist and turn of life has many inbibing the same self-conscious attitude in intimate relationships. This writing therefore seeks to figure out if such dominant mannerism should feature prominently among love-partners, or whether it should be curtailed or subsumed. For naturally minded people, the answer may be an immediate YES. But, for spiritually minded people in Christ JESUS, it seems critically important to review the necessity or viability of competing to have upper hand and superior competitive advantage in a Christian relationship. Competing over fellow human being may not be God’s intention, ever. It could be a side-effect of sin-propelled declining human nature.

Spiritually speaking, we know that good and great things do not happen automatically or by default. Most great things happen by putting in adequately needed efforts and required activities. Not much good fall cheaply on people’s laps, unless they are already used, passed down trophy, assets, glory or secondary recognition. There is a natural spiritual atmosphere that stifles automatic productivity. Most things on earth are naturally declining except for ages and calendar years. New-born baby quality of life counts down from the moment he or she is born. In another 70, 80, or 100 years, the soul will have to return to its maker, away from the earth surface.

The first Bible man had the best of life at the very onset. Subsequently, things started depleting and taking downward spirals. Relationship began to get more sour. Making ends meet for family became more labor-intensive and sweaty. Keeping healthy was no longer flawlessly inbuilt. Serene environment and atmospheres were no longer to be assumed. Pollution, insecurity and stable lifestyle had to be the new-normal. Every Godly agent like Noah, Elijah, Moses, Jonah, Joseph, Nehemiah, Jeremiah, John the Baptist, JESUS, Peter and Apostle Paul had to work hard within hostile environments before they could achieve whatever Godly assignment and purpose they were called to.

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Today, nations compete with nations, cultures compete with cultures, traditions are up against other traditions, cities fight one against another, tribes and ethnicities compete with other tribes and ethnicities, many families are up in arms against other families, and, even siblings rivalries with one another are rife while competing for family spaces and benefits. For example, Jacob and Esau competed right from their mother’s womb. Ishmael was sent away along with his mother, to avoid competitions for attention, space, resources and recognition, in father of faith, Abraham’s household.

Every war cry is a subtle competition for something, which could just be dominance or superiority control. People who seek to rise up ladders of corporate governance compete for it by seeking better qualifications or simply making sure to gain upper-hand advantage over possible fellow contenders. Many are sharks that hack others down on their way to grabbing organizational leadership ranks.

So, without making long stories, we all are surrounded and enveloped by competitions and competitors. Most situations and circumstances of life are often described in a win or loss parlance. People win or lose depending on how much they hustle, strive, or as may have been specially/divinely favored, or otherwise. The question therefore is, how healthy is competition in love relationships. Is it all good, or, is there a need to strike balances between competing, or not competing with relationship partners?

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It is not clear that God set people up to compete with one another in the first place. Rather he sets each person up on his or her own pedestal and track lane. With God, each one is expected to compete to be BETTER than his or her last effort, activities and life-attempts. God is not known to be into comparing persons with persons, except when the other person gets idle or lazy at own assignment or task. This is because God’s expectation for different individuals are different. A healthy competition with others may therefore be one about striving for virtues that produce common good and not self-centered jostling for selfish ends.

If you want to compete with others, you might want to be the BEST at

  1. Wrestling down corporate demonic opposition while keeping attacks away from mutual relationship territories.
  2. Fighting for common causes than is more than personal vested interests
  3. Running races of being more passionate at God-kinds of LOVE
  4. Walking In the Spirit To Bear Fruits of peaceful, joyful, and productive co-existence, that makes possible for needs to be met and provisions available for all.
  5. Setting emulate-able, grace-full, ambassadorial examples

But, what is your own viewpoint? Comments & Questions are welcome on this developing message!

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